Wake up call.

I just did a blogwalking on a blog I randomly found via twitter. The blog was giving me tons of inspiration and …….kinda reminders.

The writers loves to share the small common things she finds encouraging or challenging. She also loves to pour out all that is in her heart relentlessly. Stable, I could say.  She does the devotion and journaling. She often gets inspired by the verses she reads that moment with what she just faces around. She also did several mission trips and volunteering. And the most important thing is that she writes. Constantly and honestly.

I found my self silenced through her writings. I found my self hanging there adoring her, while I know precisely I used to do the things she does --writing, journaling, doing devotion, going on some mission trips, volunteering, etc. Especially, I found it very similar how she pours out the words straightly from her heart (maybe the different thing is that she is really structured and tidy, while I am totally not)

I used to. 

Yes. 

Tons of time I got reminded that I need to fix my prayer time and devotion.

I am in a battle. Battle of North Moluccas I can say. Fighting with the unseen evil power. But what I always do is 5-minutes devotion and almost-not-really-praying. 

With the reason: been busy. I got no time. Need to go to shower immediately, late to work, they are waiting, bla bla bla.

Strange enough. But not strange to find my self often trampled down and controlled by anger and disappointment.

I'm not that person that like to swear. But to be honest, now I do. Both silenced swear and heardable-swear. Maybe just not in front of people. But me myself could hear it. I am always angry and disappointed. Unable to control everything I am. 

Feeling lost and dry. Feel like God allows these all to happen as to teach me to walk in other's shoes, the unbeliever shoes. As to understand how hard it is to be living without a connection to God.

And now I struck down on what God is showing me and how I really need to change. 

Well today I did something, I started to go through all my pictures that have ben taken this last year. I realize that there are tons of blessing God has been providing in my life, my calling, my ministry, this journey. But I am just way too occupied to be able to realize those amazing things. Tons of small common blessings that ARE the feed to my spirit when I am ready to be thankful for them. SO, I made several photowords and put them on our office wall. As I try to also help my fellow friends, that might be also depressed by routinely, target, lack of management, confusion, ….sins, to be able to over come those.

And I really am encouraged today. I can't wait for tomorrow and find what are the things I could be thankful for :)

kezzy.